oh god the rape fog is back!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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