She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
