We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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