I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
