Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
