First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
