Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
