I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
These tits shall not be calmed
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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