She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
