Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
