is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
