so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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