So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
