it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
