if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
