After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize