Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
