i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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