I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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