Where is the hickey?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
