My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
