instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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