Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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