you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
