so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
