I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
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If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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