Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
