Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
