I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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