Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
