Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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