Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you will always have a special place in my vag
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Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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