it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
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