"it" just moved
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
