What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
