Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
