So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
