If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
