My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
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you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I supernannyed him into submission
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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