Someone shit on the floor
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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