I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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