I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
