how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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