Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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