I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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