I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Enjoy the penises
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
