I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
