you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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