Porn is love you can see.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
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