Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
