Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
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I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
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I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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