What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
