I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
