Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
