Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
