You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We had to coat check the pizza.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
