come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
