I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
