I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
