Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We need a shit load of segways right now
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
