And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
