i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
