I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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