A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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