can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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