she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
