her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
