Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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