I will die if light touches me.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
