i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Randomize
