By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
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she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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