you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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