i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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