Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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