Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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